Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Moved to

Jack's SuckyBlog has moved to

Please visit there from now on. All of the posts and comments from this site have also been ported over. I pay money to host the new site. It's much better and worth all the trouble. Really. Seriously. I mean it! No, no, no, I shouldn't have just stayed on Blogger. And now I can't because I just dropped a hundred non-refundable bucks to host it elsewhere. That's like 100 orders of 6-piece Chicken McNuggets (if you buy them all on Thursdays). Ok enough of this complaining to myself (what is the sound of one man complaining and nobody listening? If nobody heard it, did he complain at all?).

***Please also note that the RSS Feed has changed. You can find the new RSS link on the right sidebar at the new site.

***If you have me added to your blogroll, please change the link to point to the new web address. Much thanks in advance.

See you all on the new site!


Monday, May 01, 2006

Promoting World Peace

I am much too timid in real life to insult stupid people. Thank goodness for the blogosphere, where I can do it using [square brackets]. Especially if it's to teach geography or promote world peace. Because it just feels so rewarding.

This was from several years ago. I'm back in California now.

Moving Co Sales Lady: So, you're moving to Singapore?

Jack: Yes, and I need you to tell me how much it'll cost to send all my stuff there. [And what's with the mustache on your face. I thought they sell something that melts that stuff. Please consider using it so your upper lip doesn't look like a bright red broom after you eat a Popsicle.]

Moving Co Sales Lady: that, in, like, Africa?

Jack: No. It's an island-nation towards the bottom of Southeast Asia, right on the equator. [That would be the north/south midpoint on the globe. We'll skip the lesson on lattitude and longitude for now, and stick to one- and two-syllable words.]
Not near Africa. [Please buy a globe and study it. And please seriously consider not having children.]

Moving Co Sales Lady: Oh, yes. I should have figured, since you're Asian.

Jack: (trying hard to ignore last comment because, again, I'm timid). Since you're asking, [Even though you didn't ask, but I'll tell you anyway in the hope of furthering world peace.] Singapore has the highest standard of living in Southeast Asia and a very advanced mass transit system. Everybody there speaks 3 or more languages, because learning English and Mandarin in addition to their native Hokkien or Malay is mandatory in their schools. They operate the world's busiest shipping port. [This is a sincere attempt to reach out and tell you about an interesting place you may want to visit someday. I hope you paid attention instead of getting bored with your eyes glazed over.]

Moving Co Sales Lady: (eyes glazed over, returning to attention) Tell me which items you are going to send, so I can write up an estimate for you.

Jack: Well, pretty much everything here in my apartment. Except for the electrical items, of course. [And please don't touch anything I own. I know that your touching my stuff is unlikely to cause my future children to flunk geography, but I'm not taking any chances.]

Moving Co Sales Lady: (lower jaw touching floor, expression of horror on face) They don't have electricity in Singapore?!

Jack: They do have electricity there. [See my short intro to Singapore from 2 seconds ago. They have a subway. It runs on electricity, not hamster wheel power. I guess my hopes for world peace are shot until natural selection phases out people like you.]
They just use a different voltage, so my alarm clock and toaster won't work there. [You dumb pud. Here's ten bucks for the peach fuzz remover.]

tags :: : : : : :